Of Corsets, Eunuchs, Rum and YO MAMA
by dreadlockedpencil
Summary: Funny, strange, and slightly disturbing conversations of various characters from POTC. Some of the strange topics that they talk about include sand, cannons, why Elizabeth is so messed up and Norrington's daughter. Rating for quite a bit of language.
1. Jack & Elizabeth

This story shall be about MY version of what happened in POTC. They shall be discussions that SHOULD or MAY HAVE happened, behind the scenes when no one was looking. Starting with the ones Jack and Elizabeth had when they were marooned on the island.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own POTC.  
  
'Of Corsets and Rum'  
  
"Ever heard of a woman named Veronica Baff?" asked Jack distractedly as he and Elizabeth sat down, defeated, on the warm sand.  
  
"No." said Elizabeth in an exhasperated voice. She was getting tired of the endless, meaningless, not to mention annoying, questions.  
  
"What?"  
  
"No!"  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"NO I DON'T FASING KNOW WHO VERONICA BAFF IS!!!"  
  
Jack leaned back. "Woah."  
  
He thought for a moment. "Did you say 'fasing'?"  
  
"No..."  
  
"Yes you did."  
  
"No I didn't"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Ugh."  
  
Elizabeth stormed off and ran as fast as she could away from Jack.  
  
Just when she had looked back to see nothing but sand and trees behind her, she turned around and there, sitting on the beach drawing turtles on the sand, was Jack.  
  
"Not all that big, is it?" asked Jack with a grin.  
  
"If you talk to me one more time," said Elizabeth in her warning voice. "I will kick sand in yur fasing face."  
  
"So you did say 'fasing'. What's with that?" said Jack.  
  
Elizabeth kicked sand into his face.  
  
There was a muffled "AGH!" as Elizabeth stormed off, and Jack was left trying to pick sand, grain by grain, out of his lovely hair.  
  
When he was almost finished, Elizabeth casually mentioned, "You could have washed it off in the water."  
  
Jack narrowed his eyes at her and waded into the water.  
  
Elizabeth smirked.  
  
"This girl has got to be the worst company I've ever experienced." muttered Jack to himself.  
  
"Why?!" asked Elizabeth to herself, in frustration. "Why is it me?! FASE!!!"  
  
"Seriously," said Jack, coming back. "What does 'fase' mean?"  
  
"It's the polite way of saying... F-U-C-K."  
  
"Ah. Wait, what does that spell?"  
  
"I can't say it."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because it's a bad word."  
  
"There's no one here to hear it but me."  
  
"But you should already know it."  
  
"Give me the definition."  
  
"It can mean donkey hole-"  
  
"'Donkey hole'?"  
  
"Well I can't say the other word."  
  
"JUST SAY IT FOR GOD'S SAKES!"  
  
"Fine. FUCK!!! Happy now?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"OH MY GOOD LORD! WHY ME?!"  
  
"...what?..."  
  
Elizabeth kicked some more sand into his face.  
  
"NOOOOO!!!!!!!! MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR!!!!!! WHHY!!!!!!" screamed Jack.  
  
Once again, Jack walked into the ocean, and washed the sand out.  
  
And then Elizabeth kicked more sand at him.  
  
Jack just gave up after the seventeenth time this had happened.  
  
"Seriously, you need like, anger management or something."  
  
"This is anger management. And I have to say I'm enjoying it." Elizabeth shot back.  
  
"Fine. I was going to give you some of my rum, but since you're being such a, a, a," he thought for a moment.  
  
"Whorey-Bitch-faced-feces-ass-fucking-fucker-mofo-penis-eater, I guess I wont."  
  
He turned up his nose and Elizabeth kicked more sand onto him.  
  
"Pretty soon you'll have kicked all the sand off the island, and we'll both sink." said Jack after Elizabeth had stopped kicking sand into his face.  
  
"I'll be glad when that day comes." replied Elizabeth. "Then You'll die and I won't have to be around you."  
  
"I'm pretty sure that you'll die first, as I am a far better and more experienced swimmer."  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"What?"  
  
And once AGAIN she kicked sand onto his face.  
  
"This is getting a bit tired you know." said Jack.  
  
Elizabeth kicked sand on him one last time, only this time a crab was with the sand, and it latched itself to Jack's ear, leaving him screaming painfully.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" was all Elizabeth could hear for the next four and a half hours, so she decided to help him at last.  
  
"Here." she sighed and she pried off the crab, and even though Jack made it through, his ear was a bright red, and he was sure it would remain that way for a while.  
  
Jack took out a few bottles of rum.  
  
Elizabeth was getting thirsty, so she asked for one.  
  
"Will you kick sand at me again?" asked Jack cautiously.  
  
"No."  
  
So they both drank until Jack got drunk and Elizabeth burned all the food, the shade, and, GOOD LORD NO, the RUM.  
  
You know what happened next...  
  
So I thought that was pretty good. The part where Jack was partially deaf came from me.  
  
Today, I could not hear anything anyone said to me. They had to repeat it like 5 times before I finally heard, then I would say "Oh" and go along with it.  
  
lol, so this was okay. 


	2. Will & Elizabeth

I'm so boread right now. I just thought that I should actually update one of my stories.  
  
Let's move on, shall we?  
  
Disclaimer:I don't own POTC.  
  
'Of Corsets, Eunuchs, Rum and YO MAMA'  
  
(This will be the convo of Will and Elizabeth on the Interceptor)  
  
Will looked deeply into Elizabeth's eyes.  
  
"You look like your father, you know that?" said Will distractedly.  
  
"Oh. Thanks...for saying I look like a seventy-year-old man with curly white hair!!!"  
  
"I didn't mean THAT. I just meant you have the same ravishing eyes. And the same beautiful mouth. You know, your father has beautiful eyes..." said Will as he got a far away look.  
  
"Are you gay?"  
  
"No. Why?"  
  
"You seem to have a thing for my father."  
  
"What makes you say that?"  
  
"You just said he had beautiful eyes."  
  
"Oh. I was just kidding."  
  
"So you think my eyes are ugly?"  
  
"No. Why would you say that?"  
  
"Because you said that I have the same eyes as my father."  
  
"I didn't mean it."  
  
"So you think my eyes are ugly?"  
  
"How did you come to that conclusion?"  
  
"Well my father does have beautiful eyes."  
  
"Tell me a story."  
  
"Was that supposed to change the subject?"  
  
"Maybe... Tell me a story."  
  
"Alright. ONce upon a time there was a small boy named Will. ONe day he was a on a ship and it got shipwrecked and a small girl named Elizabeth Swann saved him. Then she took... Wait. Never mind."  
  
"What did you take from me."  
  
Elizabeth took his hand anmd brought it to her breasts.  
  
"OOOH!! Are we gonna have sex? There might be some problems as I am a eu- I mean, I don't think your ready for it."  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Oh. My. God."  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"Here." said Elizabeth and she ripped off the medallion from her neck.  
  
"That string gets ripped almost every scene."  
  
"Your point?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"This is getting really tired. Have you been hanging out with Jack lately?"  
  
"No. It's just those cannons always firing. It was bound to have some sort of affect sooner or later."  
  
"Fine. Here." Elizabeth threw the medallion at him."  
  
"This was my father's. He always had some cool rapper bling with him. I wonder why..."  
  
"Wasn't he a pirate?"  
  
"No. And shut up."  
  
"What?"  
  
"That IS getting tired."  
  
"Do you like Britney Spears?"  
  
"Why do you ask?"  
  
"No reason. I just think I look like her is all."  
  
"Ha. Hellsa no."  
  
"Oh! You bitch."  
  
"Don't call me a bitch, bitch."  
  
"Hyprocrite."  
  
"Bitch."  
  
"Gay father-fucker."  
  
"Bitch."  
  
"Gay."  
  
"Bitch."  
  
"Don't you know any other words?"  
  
"Bitch."  
  
"Fine. Have it your way. I'm leaving."  
  
Elizabeth leaves.  
  
Then the pirates come.  
  
So that wasn't too bed. Not as funny as the first chapter, but still funny enough.  
  
I liked it anyways. Well, peace out.  
  
R&R!!!!!!!!!! 


	3. Norrington, Gilette and Jack

Well this story has hit it off. So I thought that it would be a good idea to give it another chapter.  
  
Disclaiemr: I don't own POTC.  
  
Conversation between Commodore Norrington, Gilette and Jack Sparrow  
  
"Your hair looks like vanilla ice cream." said Jack as he was led into the local prison by Norrington and Gilette.  
  
It was times like these that the Commodore wished that the prison wasn't so far off.  
  
"Yes." he replied huffily. "Everyone seems to say that." he added.  
  
"And your face is really smooth and clean-shaven. Like you never really had hair on it." said Jack. "And that's like a really long time since you look about eighty-billion years old instead of eighty."  
  
"I happen to NOT be eighty. I am only 30." said Norrington.  
  
"Yeah." said Jack smiling sarcastiacally. "And I'm eighteen years old."  
  
"How old are you anyways?" asked Gilette with a wondering tone. "You don't look that old, and yet you still don't look young either. Not like that Will Turner."  
  
"I wouldn't be talking about him if I were you. He's gay. Wait, not gay, a eunuch."  
  
"Really?" asked Norrington in a surprised voice.  
  
"And how would you know?" asked Gilette.  
  
"What? Wait... EEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELLSA NO!!!!!!!!" said Jack with a horrifed look on his face.  
  
"It was just an innocent question." sighed Norrington. "And I would also like to learn how you would know by the way."  
  
"He told me." said Jack cautiously.  
  
"Having one of those heart-to-heart-girl-talk sort of things now, eh?" asked Gilette as he snickered.  
  
Norrington started to get into it too. "Yeah. So is that what girls do at their little sleepovers?"  
  
"Wouldn't you like to know, you little virgin you." said Jack with a solemn expression on his face.  
  
"Pshaw. I am NOT a virgin." said Norrington as his face slowly turned redder and redder by the minute.  
  
"Then who was the unlucky bastard?" asked Jack.  
  
"I'll not tell the likes of you." said Norrington huffily.  
  
"Well then I don't believe ye." said Jack.  
  
"Fine. Her name was Sally."  
  
"Sally who?"  
  
"Sally... Storington."  
  
"Don't you think it's a little obvious when people are trying to make up people because the person that you have made up's name rhymes with theirs?" asked Jack of Gilette.  
  
"Yeah I do think it is. Wait, do you mean Norry?"  
  
"No." said JAck and then when Norrington turned his head, he nodded at Gilette, who after that wore a knwing expression on his face a while after.  
  
"And I'm sure you AREN'T a virgin, then, Mr. Sparrow." spat Norrington.  
  
"Well, I happen to NOT be one."  
  
"Who was the unlucky lady? Some prostitute?"  
  
"It just so happens that she was NOT a prostitute." said Jack and then he began to grin. "It was Elizabeth, one year ago."  
  
Norrington looked shocked for a moment, then he slapped Jack across the face. "How dare you tell such a horrid lie."  
  
Gilette and Jack looked at Norrington with amusement on their faces before Jack burst out laughing.  
  
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAA!!!!!!!!!!!!! NORRINGTON BITCH-SLAPPED ME!!!!!! HE'S SUCH A GIRL!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!!!"  
  
Jack either could not or would not stop laughing so Norrington and Gilette had to deal with it until they got to the prison.  
  
After they locked him in, Gilette seemed troubled for a while, since he still thought that his hero was still a virgin. Even HE wasn't a virgin.  
  
"What's on your mind, Gilette?" asked Norrington after a while.  
  
"Are you still a virgin?" blurted Gilette.  
  
"Will you not laugh at me?' asked Norrington nervously.  
  
"I promise not to laugh." replied Gilette.  
  
"I'm still-" started Norrington then he thought better of it. '-NOT a virgin."  
  
Then he smiled hesitantly.  
  
'Thank God.' thought Gilette and he followed Norrington back to the fort.  
  
So that chapter was somewhat short. I thought it was okay.  
  
I just bought the new Green Day CD today and I thought it was really good.  
  
I kinda didn't like how they said fuck in almost every song, as my parents heard me listening to it and were none to thrilled.  
  
Well, what can you do?  
  
Anyways, I want you guys to R&R and maybe read some of my other stories too. Peace Out. 


	4. Barbossa and Jack

Well I'm bored to death. It's not my fault I have a maximum attention span of approximately 3 seconds.  
  
And I'm kinda depressed too, because it just so happens I'm moving to England.  
  
My parents confirmed this. I thought they were just joking, becasue they've been saying this for about 7 months and have done nothing about it.  
  
But we are.  
  
If you've read my story called Silver as The Moonlight, you'll know how mmuch I move.  
  
If you haven't I'll tell you.  
  
I moved to Poratugal about a year ago, because of my parents. And before that, the U.S. And before that, Scotland(the land of the heavy accents.). And before that, France(totally sucked. Especially since i odn't really speak French. I had to learn the whole language in like only one year and by the time I could form actual sentances, we moved.). And a lot of other places. I WAS born in Canada(YAY eh? No, we don't say it after avery fuckin sentance, that's a goddamn lie. Another lie is that I like hockey. Hockey is the boringest damn sport in the whole world. Except for cricket and curling. Actually, I don't like watching any sports. I'd rather do them.) so I'm happy with that.I'm German/Canadian/Scottish on Mom's side, French/Italian/Portugese on my Dad's.  
  
Therefore, life sucks when you keep having to move. I've basically had no real friends ever in my life.  
  
And my Dad isn't even in the army or whatever.  
  
My parents just like to move a lot.  
  
I've told htem it might be a bit cheaper to just stay in a hotel, instead of buying houses since we only stay for about a year or so.  
  
The best place we've been is Canada. We got to stay there for seven years. It was awesome, and for once I actually made friends.  
  
And then we had to leave.  
  
By the way, after I was born, we moved when I was four, then we went to some place that I can't remember. And we were there for a bout half a year.  
  
I can't really remember all of this, as I was under ten.  
  
Well, I'm gonna shut up now and go on with the story.  
  
Disclaimer:I don't own POTC.  
  
This is the conversation of Jack Sparrow and Captain Barbossa on the Black Pearl.  
  
I should probably start making conversations without Jack Sparrow, as almost all of them have him in them.  
  
Next time.  
  
Wait, maybe I'll do this one next time.  
  
Yeah. So this will be the cnversation of Will and... Who DOES Will have a conversationw ith other than Elizabeth and Jack?  
  
Well, never mind, I'll just do Jack and Barbossa.  
  
"So JAck... JACK... Jack..." said Barbossa, trying to put into words a sentance that he could not comprehend.(I know, doesn't make sense does it?)  
  
"I heard you the first time mate." grinned Jack as he looked through the basket of apples.  
  
"DON'T TOUCH MY PRETTY APPLES WITH YOUR DIRTY HANDS!!!!!!" roares Barbossa, surprising Jack enough to knock him from his feet. i.e, he fell over.  
  
"I was just going to take one!" said Jack in a surprised voice. He was still shocked that he, Jack Sparrow, could be knocked off his feet by yelling.  
  
"Fine then Jack." said Barbossa with a smile.  
  
Jack took a bit of the tablecloth. (you read right. he took a bite from the tablecloth.)  
  
"An apple, one of those next?" said Barbossa and he held out a ripe green one to Jack.  
  
Jack dropped the tablecloth. "It's poisoned." he said with a pained look on his face.  
  
"There's be no sense in killing you, Miss. Sparrow." said Barbossa with an evil grin.  
  
"Well you have your trinket why don't you FREAKIN LEAVE ME ALONE!" bellowed Jack. Er, Miss. Sparrow.  
  
"The fact is this: I DON'T HAVE MY FUCKIN TRINKET BECAUSE YOUR GAY LITTLE FRIEND STOLE IT FROM ME YOU BASTARD!!!!!!!!!" yelled Barbossa. "And stop acting like Elizabeth. I've had enough of her. She's too girly."  
  
"Me too mate. She's burned my rum and my island, therefore luring the British Navy to me. And they were going to imprison me!"  
  
"We haven't come to that part yet, Jack."  
  
"Oh. Well she's just a bitch. She likes Will and he knows it, Will likes her and she knows it. I mean, it's kinda obvious, especially since he's a tad bit obsessed with her." said Jack crossly. "I mean, come on. And that Norringotn wants to marry her and he's like a bajillion years older then her. He was about thirty when she was ten. Can you say perverted?"  
  
"Yep." said Barbossa.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Perverted. I can say it."  
  
"It's just an expression mate."  
  
"Oh. Apple?"  
  
"It's poisoned." said Jack with a pained expression on his face.  
  
"Shut up. We've been through this already, and I didn't enjoy it, sice you aren't as pretty as Elizabeth."  
  
"Tell that to my fan club mate."  
  
"What fan club?"  
  
"Look." said Jack and he pointed his thumb over his finger where numerous whores and girl were screaming and crying.  
  
"Well, look at my fanclub!" said Barbossa. He pointed his thumb behind his back at a frog.  
  
"Nice." said Jack with a chuckle.  
  
"Let's get back to the storyline." suggested Barbossa.  
  
"Good plan." replied Jack.  
  
"So, You're going to leave me stranded on an island with nothing except an apple?" asked Barbossa.  
  
"Yep." said Jack. "Wait. No. That's not right. I'm going ot leave you on an island with nothing except my word."  
  
"What word?"  
  
"Unicorn."  
  
"I don't like that word."  
  
"Too bad."  
  
"Can I have my name too?"  
  
"No. But I'll shout it back to you as we leave."  
  
"Good plan."  
  
"I know, I'm a bloody genius."  
  
"Wait, I'm more eviller than you, so shouldn't it be the other way around?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Since when were you voted captain?"  
  
"Since you were cursed."  
  
"How was that?" asked Barbossa.  
  
A few pirates burst in wit torches and swords.  
  
"Yeah!" said one of them. "Every decision you've led us to has led us from bad to worse."  
  
"Yeah!" chanted the other five.  
  
"I'll not be taking orders from you, Master Bitch-Whipped."  
  
"Gasp!" said Master Bitch-Whipped. "That's MR. Master BIOTCH-Whipped to you, you ignoramous."  
  
"Any man who dares to challenge me--"  
  
"Once again, we're not there yet." sad Jack with a yawn.  
  
"What do you mean?" asked Barbossa. "Once again? I said it the first time!"  
  
"Oh." said Jack. "Well, just get out then."  
  
The pirates trudged out of ht ecabin, but not before the monkey took a bite out of an apple.  
  
"JACK!!!!!!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" wailed Barbossa. "MY APPLE!!!!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"  
  
"I haven't done anything to your precious apples." said Jack boredly.  
  
"Not you. We named the monkey Jack." said Barbossa smiling suddenly.  
  
"Oh. Is it becasue he's devillishly hansome?" asked Jack.  
  
"Naw." said Barbossa. "It's because he mooches off of other people. And he likes rum."  
  
"That makes two of us then." said Jack. "By the way, what's with this obsession with apples you've got?"  
  
"It all started when I was cursed." said Barbossa.  
  
"Actually, forget I asked the question." said Jack. "I can tell it's going to be one of those 'Back In The Day' stories."  
  
"You're right." said Barbossa sighing. "It is. I'm tired of the same old story. I want to die!!!!!!!"  
  
"Don't worry, I'll kill you." said JAck happily.  
  
"You can't." said Barbossa.  
  
"Why?" asked Jack.  
  
"First of all," said Barbossa. "I was kidding. And second of all--"  
  
"Is this going to be a numbered thingy?" asked Jack. "Becasue I don't like those."  
  
"Fine. It won't be." said Barbossa. "I'm cursed so you couldn't do it if I meant it."  
  
"Right, right." said Jack. "Well, I'll be heading up deck."  
  
Jack dissappeared up the stairs.  
  
Barbossa sighed and followed him.  
  
-FIN-  
  
So this was an okay chapter. It kept getting side-trakced though. I kinda liked it this way.  
  
Whatever. R&R!!!!!!!!! 


	5. Elizabeth and Barbossa

I haven't updated this story in a long long time, adn forthat I apologize.

This next chapter is about Elizabeth and Barbossa's conversation on the Black Pearl.

Disclaimer:I don't own POTC. STFU already

Elizabeth gazed absently at the table laid for two in Barbossa's quarters.

"Are you feeling a bit pale Miss. Turner?" asked Barbossa.

"No why?" replied Elizabeth.

"Cause you look pale."

"Maybe it's because I've been kidnapped by an old horny git!" said Elizabeth coldly.

"Ouch." said Barbossa with a pained look. "Low blow Elizabeth. Low blow."

"It's Miss. Swann!" snapped Liz.

Barbossa looked taken aback. "I though yer name was Turner?"

"It isn't you ass. Wipe."

"But then why have I kidnapped you?"

"Beats the fuck outta me."

"Don't be so profane. It's unladylike."

"You think I give a shit?"

"Maybe."

"Well I don't"

"That's too bad then Miss Turner."

"It's Elizabeth."

"Alright then Liz."

"It's Miss Swan."

"I thought you just said it was Elizabeth?"

"It is."

"Alright. WHat was yer dog's name then, Elizabeth."

"It was Corky."

"Just outta curiousity, was it Corcky Romano?"

"No...Yea...Maybe"

"YOU SHUT YOUR TRAP!"

"What?! WHat did I do?"

"Sorry, what?"

"You just yelled at me!"

"DID NOT YOU FUCKING COW EATER!"

"PIG EATER!"

There was a moment of silence between the two psychotics.

"I watch The Saddle Club." said Barbossa interrupting the akward silence.

Liz gasped surprisedly. "Me too!"

"Who's yer favorite horse?" asked Barbossa leaning foreward in his chair eagerly.

"Oh, I dunno. I like Cobalt(I was watching it earlier. There was nothing on.)" said Liz excitedly.

Barbossa giggled. "ME TOO!"

Liz shreiked. "And I just LOVE Max. He's soo sexy."

Barbossa smiled. "I do TOO! We are like sould mates!"

"I agree!" said Liz.

Not too much later, they were braiding each other's hair, doing each other's nails(firecracker red!) and talking about boys they liked.

"Well, Will's nice and all, but he's a bit of a stalker." said Liz.

Barbossa nodded.

"But I do like that Jack Sparrow. Sexy."

Barbossa looked confused. "But I thought you loved Will?"

"I just told you I think that he's a bit of a stalker."

"So?"

"Well I think you're two-timing him"

"Well then you can keep your dickhole opinions to yourself then."

Barbossa took out his gun and pointed it at Liz's face.

"No one calls my opinions dickhole unless I've said that you were a virgin!"

Liz gasped indignantly. "I am a virgin!"

Barbossa snorted. "With the way youi flaunt that cleavage, I'd be surprised if you'd had sex less than 50 times you whore!"

"It's nice to know that old perverted men are looking there!"

"At least I'm straight!"

"I'm leaving."

"Where are you gonna go? You're on a ship DUMBASS!"

"I know how to swim!" exclaimed Liz.

"You're really profane, you know that?" asked Barbossa.

"You're completely off subject."

"I don't care."

"Well I do."

"You are really profane."

"I didn't even say anything profane!" she yelled.

"I hate you. Bitch." Barbossa went off into the corner to pout.

"You're a filthy old man."

With that, Liz went up onto the deck, went throught the whole screaming/drinking of the wine thing, and ended up in the Captains...Room.

-FIN-

So that was relatively alright. R&R! 


	6. Norrington and Gov Swann And Elizabeth

I haven't updated this in a while, so here is the chapter. Okay, that alst sentance didn't make much sense, but whatever.

And also, even though I make a lot of comments on Will and his eunuchness, I still like him very much. And I an rather fond of Norry, although mild verbal abused has been passed to him many many times. I just thought you'd like to know that those who I love, I make fun of. It is my way... And also, I usually abbr. Norrington with Norry, cause it's a cute nickname.

Anyhow, let's MOVE ON!!!

Disclaimer: I don't own POTC.

This is the conversation of Gov. Swann and Norrington. And Elizabeth and WIll come in a little later too. But maybe now Will. We'll see.

Commodore Norrington and Governor Swann were out for a stroll one day, after Norrington's promotion ceremony.

"So you like... Elizabeth." said Norry evilly.

"Of course I do." said Swann in a surprised voice. "She's my daughter."

"No..." said Norry. "She's MY daughter! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! MUAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

Swann looked confused. "But she's my daughter..."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes to infinity."

"No to infinity plus one."

"Dammit."

Swann stuck out his tongue childishly at the Commodore.

There was a moment of silence.

"Your hair looks like ice cream you know."

Norry sighed angrily. "So I've been told."

"And you look really old."

"And you are a stupid idiot son of a bitch who likes women in corsets."

"I know. Wait," said Swann. "What was the question?"

NOrry sighed. "I'm surrounded by imbeciles."

"You and me both." replied Swann happily.

There was another moment of silence.

"Why do you want to marry Elizabeth anyhow?"

"WHy would I want to marry my own daughter?"

"She's my daughter."

"No she isn't."

"Yes she is. And Shut up."

"Why?"

"We've already been through this." said Swann in a whining voice.

"If she's your daughter, how come she loves Will Turner?"

"Uh, because he loves her."

"I love Johnny Depp. Doesn't mean he loves me."

Swann nodded. "But in this case, it's true."

"What's true?"

"They both love each other."

"So?"

"What? Wait. Yeah, What?"

"Well why can't I marry Elizabeth?"

"That was random."

"I know. ANyhow, why CAN'T i marry her?"

"She has to say yes first."

"She's said the word yes many many times already, why can't I marry her?"

"Because she hasn't said yes to me. I mean you."

"Oh. ALright then."

The two gentlemen rubbed their foreheads in annoyance.

"What was the topic?" asked Swann after a few minutes.

"What? Oh yeah. Can I marry Elizabeth?"

"Oh. Of course. I think we should ask her first though."

"What century are we in, the 18th?"

"Yes."

"Oh. Ok.

They went to ask Elizabeth for her hand in marriage. Norry, not Swann, cause Swanna's her dad. But I think maybe Norry thought he was her dad for a while. Whatever.

"Elizabeth," said Swann to his daughter. "I have a question to ask you. It involves Norry. I mean, Commodore Norrington."

"It doesn't have naything to do with tootsie rolls, does it?" asked Elizabeth, her eyes going wide in anticipation. "Cause I LOOOOOOOOOOVE tootsie rolls.(I hate em.)"

"Actually, it doesn't."

"Then you can't ask me the question."

"Then I'll explaion it to you and then you'll tell me what you think of it."

"Isn't that the same thing?"

"No."

"Okay.(I've noticed that sometimes I write okay as OK and sometimes as Okay. WTF? No, I'm just kiddin.g But I do actually do that.)"

"Norrington is going to marry you if you say yes."

Elizabeth's jaw dropped. And swung there. And a bit of drool came out. And then her hair turned bright pink.

"Do you like the idea?"

"HA!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!!" laughed Liz, falling to the floor. "No."

Swann looked confuzzled. "At last tell me what you think the idea is." he whined.

"I think it's shit."

"GASP! THAT'S PROFANE!" yelled Norry as he barged into Liz's room.

"OH MY GOD!!!! IT'S THE BOOGEYMAN!!!" Elizabeth gasped and covered her eyes. "Wait. You're jsut ugly."

Norry's eyes welled up with tears. "You're all so mean! That's all I ever Hear!!! Norry's an ice cream! Norry's hair is ugly! Norry's OLD!!!!"

Swann and Liz stared at him in amazement.

"Well I have feelings too!!!!"

Norry continues to cry.

"I don't think I want him to marryyou anymore." said Swann.

"I don't think I wanted to marry him in the first place. "

"If you thought that, you'd be right."

"Yeah. He's a wimp."

Norry only sobbed louder.

-FIN-

A'N: Ending was a bit abrupt, but I didn't have any more ideas. Well, review! Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Next time I'll try not to take so long to update.

BYE BYE FLOONKY MOONKIES!!! 


	7. Norrington and Will PART 1

I know, I know, haven't updated for a long long time. Forgive me precious followers.

Disclaimer: I don't own it.

* * *

This is the conversation of Norrington and Will.

This is only part 1 by the way.

Norrington circled the calmly sitting blacksmith.

"So you like... Elizabeth..."

Will nodded enthusiastically. "I like her ass. It's nice."

Norrington gasped.

"So you admit your intentions toward my daughter are less than honorable!"

Will's nose wrinkled of it's own accord. "Who?"

"My daughter. And what was that thing you did?"

"What thing?"

"That nose wrinkly thing. What does it mean?"

"Oh. I dunno. Probably that I'm disgusted to be in your presence."

"Those were awful big words for a blacksmith."

"That's an awfully long statement for a demented eunuch."

"Back to the topic..." began Norrington again, changing the subject AWAY from his...testicles...eugh... "So you want to so called "lay" my daughter."

"What do you mean by "lay"?" asked Will in a mock interested tone.

"Erm... bed?"

"I know what it means." said WIll as he snickered at his not particularily funny answer. "I just like to see you squirm."

"OH MY GOD!" exclaimed Norrington. "Yout want to have SEX with me!"

Will fell off his chair. "HELL NO!"

Norrington considered this for a moment. "Althought I wouldn't mind being 'bedded' by you."

Will got up and inched towards the door. "I think I'd better be going..."

"Why?" shined Norry. "What's wrong with me?"

"Um, first of all, you're a guy." observed Will.

"That's never stopped you before... lover man..." said Norrington in what he hoped was a sexy voice. "If you haven't noticed, I'm trying to seduce you."

"Erm... I noticed." said Will uneasily. He blushed slightly as Norrington toook off his pointy hat and began to fan himself with it.

"Wow, it's hot in here." said Norry as he tossed his hat aside and attempted to rip his shirt off, much to the dismay of the cockroaches that were lingering in the corner. You could hear their panicked shrieks echoing in the dungeon, even though cockroaches don't speak.

In an attempt to cover the horrible vision, Will threw a random sink onto Norrington's chest, where it stuck, amazingly.

"Woah!" said Norrington childlike...ly. "How did you do that?"

"I dunno. It just came out of my hand."

"Show me." said Norrington, slyly moving closer to the unsuspectiong blacksmith.

"Well-" Will was cut off as Norry randomly kissed him.

Everyone within a five mile radius saw this (don't ask how) and screamed in terror. Innocent people scratched their eyes out, ripping their eyeballs from their head.

Will jumped back, running away and screaming bloody murder.

NOrry chased affter him, calling out, "COME BACK LOVER!"

END OF PART ONE-

**A/N: EEEEEEWWWWWWWW! I don't know how I thought of that, cause it's fricken sick. Anyhow, R&R!**


	8. Jack and Will

**I know, I know, I haven't updated since... April. Ouch. I've negleted you more than I'd thought... I'm sorry... Okay, I just started high school, so don't expect updates every week, but I'll try, I honestly will. I also noticed that I criticized virgins a lot in this story... I myself am one (thank you very much) and I didn't mean to offend. Well, kinda, but not really.**

**This is the conversation of Will and Jack. I don't know where though. You figure it out. Oh, okay, on the Interceptor. By the way, who here wants to see Domino? It looks hella good. Keira Knightley is an amazing actress...**

**Disclaimer: I doooooon't own. In case you hadn't noticed.**

_Ah yes, and I'll be putting up part 2 of Norry and Will's convo next time. _

It should have gone a little something like this...

"Look deep into my eyes... You are getting sleepy... Very, very sleepy..."

"What the hell do you think you're doing, mate?"

Will blinked. "I was practicing my hypnotising." He looked as if it was the sanest thing in the world.

"Well, could you back off a bit?" Jack asked. "Your hand is about one inch away from my arse."

Will paused, then shuddered slightly and moved away. Jack relaxed and moved from the side of the boat.

"So... Do you feel sleepy?"

Jack frowned. "No."

"Damn! I mean... Oh. Okay then."

"So what's this about being a 'Magician?' That blacksmith thing not working out for ya?" Will frowned.

"I don't like it. Hammering metal? What's up with that?" Jack grinned. "Besides, I don't think Elizabeth would like me being all hammer-y all the time."

"So you've loved this Elizabeth for a while now, eh?" Will shrugged. "So then I'll bet you'll be upset to know that she's accepted the Commodore's proposal."

Will snapped to attention. "What proposal?"

"You didn't know?"

"Know what?"

"That Norrington proposed."

"And she accepted that pompous wig's proposal?"

"Hey! No dissing the wig. And yes, she did."

"OH!"

"Wait. Not yet she hasn't."

"Oh, that's all rght then."

Will stared at Jack intently. "Dance, monkey, dance."

"Hmm?"

"Tra la la la la!"

Will was spinning around on the deck of Interceptor, and, not noticing the random blackberry bush, spun right into the blackberry bush, and didn't stop spinning.

"Owww."

"More rum?"

"I haven't had any yet, so I can't have any more..."

Jack grinned. "You mean you can't have any less." he passed a small bottle to Will. "It's very easy to have more than nothing."

"Since when are we in Alice in Wonderland?" asked Will, accepting the bottle.

"Since I love Disney movies."

"What about love stories? You like them?"

Jack pondered this for a moment.

"Yes. But only ones that are sad. I am a man of emotion, you know."

"So that's why women like you?"

"Yes. Wait, no. It's my dashing looks and smoldering sexuality."

"Oh." Will frowned. "Women don't like me. Except Elizabeth. She's different. Possibly crazy, though."

Jack sighed. "Let me tell you something about women, mate. They're all insane."

"What do you mean?"

"They like you, but pretend not to, and they want to kiss you, but when you kiss 'em, they slap you and say you're forward. They're flippin hell on wheels."

"Really?"

"Yes. It's so sad."

"Aye."

Jack and Will continued onw ithout a word. Will was thinking about life, and what would happen to Elizabeth. Jack was thinking about boobs. Hmm. Intellectual.

**All right, short and weird, I didn't like it much, but I thought I should update. And by the way, don't be offended by the women are insane thing. I myself am a girl, and I thought it was funny. Sexism is a great conversation starter. Not. But whatever.**

**Review, or not. You don't have to review, cause it took me so long to update, so not reviewing could be my pusishment. Or you could flame me. I always enjoy a good bashing.**

**Ta.**


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